conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
