Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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