Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
