i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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