I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
