dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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