whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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