My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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