If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
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