I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
