I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize