i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
