i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
