You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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