You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
