Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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