Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
ugly people sure do ruin things
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
