his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
