I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
