You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
