I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
