the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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