Your dad touched me again.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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