I CAN MOONWALK!
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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