he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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