Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
