Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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