im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
