I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
