I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
