I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
