he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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