Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
