Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
