Please, let me fuck your mom
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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