3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
