I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
