Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
