Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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