She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Me too!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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