he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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