i don't plan on having that self control this summer
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
