dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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