Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
