you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
