Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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