to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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