fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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