my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
