Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
