Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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