I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
