There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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