A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
even my farts smell like vagina
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
