Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
