You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
