I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
