Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
