Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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