why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
