shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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